he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
