Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize