it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
