My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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