he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
