I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
