One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
