hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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