Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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