They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
