My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
