So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
