Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
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