You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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