Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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