So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You smell like stripper and shame
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize