Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
