I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize