we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
