I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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