my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
