So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
