I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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