You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize