my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
