i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
