it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
