he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
