1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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