Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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