Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
