i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
