theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
