P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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