i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she peed on how many people?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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