don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
