SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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