I accidentally had phone sex last night
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
