she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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