but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
