This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
