rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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