Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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