i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
