Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize