She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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