its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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