if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
