I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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