you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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