Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
