he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
