That reminds me...we need to get swords
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
