Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
