is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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