Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
