guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
