How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
