i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
