You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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