weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
it wasn't lemon gatorade
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
