youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
