Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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