Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
