So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
