I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
