Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
