it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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