I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
