Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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