Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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