He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
