You made me cry and you don't even care
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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