I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
wanna go halves on a baby?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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