what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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