Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
