now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
