Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
