I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
