we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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