Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
