I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
