I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
